I can’t. I just cannot with last night’s premiere of ‘I Wanna Marry Harry’ on FOX. Ryan Seacrest, WHAT?! There are so many things wrong with this show I don’t even know where to begin; but let’s start here.. this guy might as well have been Prince George for how much he looks and sounds like Prince Harry.
I went into the premiere thinking, “the most this bloke has in common with Prince Harry is that he’s ginger and has a British accent.” WRONG. His hair? All wrong. Not the right shade (let’s not even talk about the eyebrows). The accent? WRONG. Fake Harry sounds absolutely nothing like real Harry. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on this when there are so many bigger issues here. If you were following me on Twitter last night you would know that I spent the entire hour complaining about his voice.
Fake Harry
Real Harry
The show started out with Kingsley the butler, AKA the poor man’s Chris Harrison, giving Matt (fake Harry) a lesson on real Harry. Kingsley didn’t even get all of the facts straight. He also got Harry’s title wrong. Seacrest, should’ve brought in the experts on this one, although no real Harry historians would touch this thing with a Crown Jewel-encrusted ten foot pole.
Then we meet the girls, who, upon seeing a helicopter pull up and a tall red-headed guy get out of it and hear K-dawg call him “Sir” (um, should be HRH but whatever, peanuts compared to the rest), decide that he MUST be Harry. Yes, ladies, everyone who is called “sir” is automatically a prince. That’s just how the monarchy works. One also said that Michael Jackson had Secret Service so, there’s that.
These girls are precisely why the British (and all Europeans) think Americans are daft muppets. Ryan Seacrest definitely scoured every corner of all 50 states to find the twelve most stereotypically obnoxious and loud Americans that exist. I wouldn’t be surprised if he approached Snooki for the gig. The ladies, err, I shouldn’t even call them ladies, “dressed up” for a regal masquerade ball by selecting animal prints, cutout and sheer dresses. Then fake Harry put on his mask, because ya know, a mask is a full body and face disguise where no one can tell a smidge of what you actually look like, and met his crew of loud-mouthed Americans. He even remarked that “American girls don’t seem to have inside voices” after talking to one girl. After he removed his mask later in the night, the girls are now convinced he is Harry.
I’M SORRY, HAVE YOU PEOPLE EVER EVEN SEEN A PHOTO OF HIM?! Did Seacrest pay these girls his American Idol salary to pretend he looked like Harry or are they really that dumb? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS! Our founding fathers are currently rolling over in their graves at how stupid America looks right now.
So, I will just say this – Prince Harry, I apologize on behalf of my country. We are not all like this. I promise. But I will still watch every week.
#LongLiveTheQueen
PS – for those of you that are new here, I don’t get all worked up on this blog, it’s meant to be a fun hobby. I’m very sarcastic and joke around.. I know this show is purely for entertainment purposes and am not actually upset over and am just having some fun. I am sure they are very nice girls and I watch enough reality TV to know that it’s not a reflection on real life. So if you don’t like fun, this isn’t the blog for you.
Keep Calm and Harry On 