A Night in Second-hand Embarrassment – ‘I Wanna Marry Harry’ Premiere

I can’t. I just cannot with last night’s premiere of ‘I Wanna Marry Harry’ on FOX. Ryan Seacrest, WHAT?! There are so many things wrong with this show I don’t even know where to begin; but let’s start here.. this guy might as well have been Prince George for how much he looks and sounds like Prince Harry.

I went into the premiere thinking, “the most this bloke has in common with Prince Harry is that he’s ginger and has a British accent.” WRONG. His hair? All wrong. Not the right shade (let’s not even talk about the eyebrows). The accent? WRONG. Fake Harry sounds absolutely nothing like real Harry. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on this when there are so many bigger issues here. If you were following me on Twitter last night you would know that I spent the entire hour complaining about his voice.

Fake Harry

Real Harry

The show started out with Kingsley the butler, AKA the poor man’s Chris Harrison, giving Matt (fake Harry) a lesson on real Harry. Kingsley didn’t even get all of the facts straight. He also got Harry’s title wrong. Seacrest, should’ve brought in the experts on this one, although no real Harry historians would touch this thing with a Crown Jewel-encrusted ten foot pole.

Then we meet the girls, who, upon seeing a helicopter pull up and a tall red-headed guy get out of it and hear K-dawg call him “Sir” (um, should be HRH but whatever, peanuts compared to the rest), decide that he MUST be Harry. Yes, ladies, everyone who is called “sir” is automatically a prince. That’s just how the monarchy works. One also said that Michael Jackson had Secret Service so, there’s that.

These girls are precisely why the British (and all Europeans) think Americans are daft muppets. Ryan Seacrest definitely scoured every corner of all 50 states to find the twelve most stereotypically obnoxious and loud Americans that exist. I wouldn’t be surprised if he approached Snooki for the gig. The ladies, err, I shouldn’t even call them ladies, “dressed up” for a regal masquerade ball by selecting animal prints, cutout and sheer dresses. Then fake Harry put on his mask, because ya know, a mask is a full body and face disguise where no one can tell a smidge of what you actually look like, and met his crew of loud-mouthed Americans.  He even remarked that “American girls don’t seem to have inside voices” after talking to one girl. After he removed his mask later in the night, the girls are now convinced he is Harry.

I’M SORRY, HAVE YOU PEOPLE EVER EVEN SEEN A PHOTO OF HIM?! Did Seacrest pay these girls his American Idol salary to pretend he looked like Harry or are they really that dumb? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!  Our founding fathers are currently rolling over in their graves at how stupid America looks right now.

So, I will just say this – Prince Harry, I apologize on behalf of my country. We are not all like this. I promise. But I will still watch every week.

#LongLiveTheQueen

PS – for those of you that are new here, I don’t get all worked up on this blog, it’s meant to be a fun hobby. I’m very sarcastic and joke around.. I know this show is purely for entertainment purposes and am not actually upset over and am just having some fun. I am sure they are very nice girls and I watch enough reality TV to know that it’s not a reflection on real life. So if you don’t like fun, this isn’t the blog for you. 

One Year Anniversary of the Best Week Ever

Not that I should have to explain that title, you should all just know – one year ago today I took off for Denver to join the press pack for Prince Harry’s US tour. The fact that it has been a year is extremely depressing, but it’s easy to feel better when you have an arsenal of amazing photos of the world’s most beautiful royal that you took yourself.

Now, I’ll be your best friend ever and take you down memory lane with me… please note, these photos are in chronological order, because ranking them would just be impossible. Every moment was perfect because well, it’s Harry we’re talking about here.

But before we get to the photos, please press play and pretend you’re in the Cadillac with @HWalesWatch and me on your way to the Olympic Training Center. But first learn how to put the rented fancy car in the correct version of drive…. #idontbelonghere

The first thing that happened upon arriving at day one of the Warrior Games in Colorado Springs may have been one of the coolest. Max Foster decided to interview a nobody, aka ME. Then he put me on CNN. I don’t know what he was thinking, but he’s the best.

Prince Harry walked by me for the first time. In fatigues. No further explanation necessary on this one.

Captain Wales participated in a sitting volleyball exhibition and when it was done, I somehow got *this* close. No zoom, I swear on his ginger hair. (Oh hi @SperryPeoplemag!)

We got to spend the day outside at the Air Force Academy and the weird announcer tried to tell Harry he should move to Colorado (awkward). Then he looked straight at me and it was love at first sight. Okay, not really… the air horn didn’t work, but let’s pretend mmkay?

Oh, and then I ended the day with some really sweet sunburn lines. Kind of forgot about that whole mile high closer to the sun thing..

Then, the BEST thing happened. I lied earlier, THIS was the best thing that happened the entire trip. Prince Harry was on my flight home to New Jersey and after finally being brave enough to say hello, I was rewarded with a wave and a smile. Everyone else on the plane hated me as he disembarked. Gotta man up people!

The next day, HRH visited the Jersey Shore. This part of the tour meant a lot to me, as he was visiting towns and people hit hard by Superstorm Sandy, a horrific event I went through myself. Although, I wish he didn’t go to Seaside. UGH.

The final day (#sad) was a big moment in the life of any Harry fan – I got to watch him play polo! White pants in person, it’s the stuff dreams are made of.

Another incredible part of #PrinceHarryUSA was meeting up and conquering Colorado with my Twitter friend turned real life friend, @HWalesWatch. Sidebar: The incomparable Ms. HWalesWatch has just rejoined the royal tweeting world (thank goodness) and finally recapped our ridiculous weekend of Harry shenanigans over on her blog – so, if you want to hear the dirt on life behind the press pass, she’s your girl.  And of course, spending time with the royal press pack – getting to know them and learning from them, well that was invaluable.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go be miserable with nostalgia and stew in the fact that Harry will probably never come to America again after the Memphis drama.

Visiting Royal Britain: Spring in the Parks

Part two of my new monthly series is taking us outside to London’s Royal Parks – just in time for the warm weather. The city is home to eight royal parks spanning 5,000 acres – that’s a whole lot of outdoor royal fun!

The best part? London + Partners is giving you a chance to experience it all firsthand with a sweepstakes, running through June 30th. What are you waiting for? Enter now to be one of the 40 million people who visit the Royal Parks each year.

Let’s frolic through a few of my favorite parks now, shall we?

Kensington Gardens

Perhaps the most well-known park to royal watchers, Kensington Gardens is literally the royals’ backyard – William, Kate, George and Harry to be precise. Kate can sometimes be seen walking Lupo or pushing George’s pram through the park. Kensington Gardens is also home to the Diana, Princess of Wales, Memorial Playground and the Albert Memorial. This place is simply overflowing with royalty. My personal favorite? The Peter Pan Statue. It might just be my favorite spot in the whole of London.

Peter Pan Statue, via Keep Calm and Harry On

 St James’s Park

Another one of the most recognizable Royal Parks, St James’s Park is conveniently located next to that other palace..what is it called? Oh, right – Buckingham Palace. AKA, The Queen’s home. Let me tell you, it looks BEAUTIFUL in the spring and summer. Flowers blooming everywhere. So pack your picnic basket, grab your camera and set yourself up on a sunny Saturday.

Via VisitBritain Images

Hyde Park

Hyde Park just might be the perfect place to get active on a spring day. In addition to being home to the Diana, Princess of Wales, Memorial Foundation, the park is 350 acres of nonstop action. Running and walking paths, cycling, tennis, swimming, boating – there is always something happening here. So many activities my head is spinning.

Diana, Princess of Wales, Memorial Fountain, via Keep Calm and Harry On

Green Park

If you visit Buckingham Palace, you will walk through Green Park, I promise you. It’s a hot spot for sunbathing in the summer. Ha, hot spot, get it? I crack myself up.

Green Park, via VisitBritain Images

The Regent’s Park

There might just be more happening in The Regent’s Park than any other Royal Park in London. The Open Air Theatre, London Zoo, Primose Hill – they are all located within the park’s 395 acres. These iconic attractions do have to share the space with more than 100 species of wild birds, though. If you don’t visit, you’re seriously missing out.

Regent’s Park Outdoor Theatre, via VisitBritain Images

Let’s not forget, there are THREE more Royal Parks to enjoy in London including Richmond Park, Brompton Cemetery and Bushy Park.

Have you visited any of London’s Royal Parks? What is your favorite?

5 Reasons Prince Harry’s Next Girlfriend Should Be a Brunette

In case you’ve been living under a crater-sized rock, it was announced earlier this week that Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas have split after nearly two years of dating. The perfectly timed news came out on the day Harry’s older brother celebrated his three-year wedding anniversary, and just days before he came to America for friend Guy Pelly’s wedding. Yes, you read that correctly – Prince Harry is on American soil. Memphis to be exact. Well, after a quick stop for some single-guy fun in Miami.

Now, I’m not 100% convinced this break-up is for real. Although, I could totally foresee Ross/Rachel situation happening when H gets back to London after this weekend…

C: I can’t believe you hooked up with the Xerox girl at the Memphis Kinkos!!! How could you?!

H: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!

Like I said, my money is still on an engagement by the end of the year, but in the event that I’m wrong and this amicable separation is the real deal, Prince Harry should DEFINITELY date a brunette next. To ease him out of the blondes phase, maybe a light brunette…?

5 Reasons Prince Harry’s Next Girlfriend Should Be a Brunette:

1. Isn’t’ it obvious? Blondes clearly aren’t working for you, Harry. Chelsy, Cressida… wait, maybe it’s just the letter C you should stay away from? Nah, it’s the blondes.

2. Numbers don’t lie. A 2013 survey found that six out of ten men (58 percent) say brunettes are better in bed. Blondes? 16 percent.

3. Brunettes make better wives. Again, it’s down to the math people! A survey conducted by Superdrug associated “wife-like” attributes with brunettes more than any other hair color. These include being “deeper” and “more sensible” than blondes, as well as being better with money, are better cooks, better at cleaning and take better care of their appearance. Wait, do men want a brunette or a woman from the 1950’s?

 4. James Bond prefers brunettes. If it’s good enough for the Bond, it’s good enough for the fourth-in-line.

5. I’m a Brunette.

Blondes have more fun, eh? Come on over to the dark side, Your Royal Highness.. we just want you to be happy! Honestly, no matter what her hair color. But, seriously…science and math don’t lie!